- I can’t ask for that – it’s too greedy
- What does s/he want me to ask for?
- No one else has that, so I can’t
In reality the Doubting Twin – that critical voice in your head that questions every decision – rarely thinks about what she wants. Her focus is on other people and their needs, so she can keep them on side; making sure she doesn’t stand out, so people can’t criticise her; staying within a safe, tight boundary so she feels safe.
Offering an unlimited sky is just the worst thing you can do. It will send her into paroxysms.
Caroline (name changed) is the perfect example. Headhunters came knocking when least expected and, in order to tempt her, they did the unthinkable – they asked what she wanted.
Endless nights of worry followed as she reviewed, tested and rejected ideas – what did she want? And if she knew, could she ask for it? Present salary £57K; could she ask for £60? Would they think she was too greedy? Would they decide they didn’t like her and withdraw altogether?
Understanding the Doubting Twin
Thankfully, Caroline had offered herself as a guinea pig for an experimental group I ran to explore the Doubting Twin. Such an interesting day all round! And now, as time ran out on her procrastination, she suddenly realised:
‘This is my Doubting Twin talking! Even though I’m not looking for another job, she is still worried that they might not like me.”
“Knowing about my Doubting Twin has given me an extra £10K per year!”
Pretty good result, I’d say.
So here’s your question for the day:
- If the sky’s the limit, what do you want?
- How might you stop yourself asking for it?
- And if you recognised your Doubting Twin talking, like Caroline, what would you do differently today?
It may be money, but it can be so much else. Do you allow yourself to love? To take the time you need? To speak out your truth?
Let me know and let’s find out what the Doubting Twin is really costing us